Is There A Bully In Your Head?

We all know what bullying is.  Most everyone is familiar with the story gone viral of Karen Klein, the school bus monitor who was grotesquely bullied and taunted by a group of kids during their bus route in upstate New York.  Because of the focus through mainstream media, it is more common to see children playing the roles in bullyism at either side of the spectrum (the bully vs. the victim). But bullying is not a new epidemic. In fact, bullies have always existed and in all age groups, i.e., growing up in school, in the place of employment, on the roads, and even in the home. Truth is, bullies are not just kids, they are grown-ups as well. And bullies don't just torment others. They torment themselves, too! Which raises the question:  Are you a victim of your own self-bully?

As ridiculous as it may seem, or not, the thing is when we criticize our own self, put ourselves down, punish ourselves and place fear into our very lives, we too are being bullies; but in the moment that we are going at it against ourselves, it may not appear that way.   And if we take a closer look at the way we are treating our own self and how we are reacting, we might actually discover there does exist a bully in our midst -- in our very own mind!



Being judgmental, being critical, being unkind to ourselves is in no way positive behavior. How many times have you made a mistake and called yourself an idiot? Have you ever told yourself you couldn't accomplish something because you weren't good enough? Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and point out flaws in yourself?  When the voice in your head makes you feel inadequate or inferior, that's the bully talking in your head. So how do you make it stop?

LET IT GO!

There are many reasons why we criticize, not just others, but sadly enough ourselves. And getting to the core of what triggers that harsh criticism is the first step in stopping the bully. Before you take another stab at yourself, try to internalize the harm you are causing to your own well being by understanding the pain behind it. Many times we forget that our negative behavior towards our own selves was patterned in our upbringing and we continue the punishment. Instead, stop the punishing behavior and let go of the fault and the blame. By letting go you forgive, and by forgiving you move on from the situation or circumstance that for so long caused you to be mean to yourself. Imagine you are carrying a suitcase full of baggage -- heavy, laden with all the things you dislike -- then imagine you setting it down and leaving it behind as you continue on your path. You have let it go. You feel lighter.  It's behind you now.  And you no longer have to criticize yourself about it nor put yourself down over it. The harm is over. The bully stayed with the baggage. In the place of a bully, you will make space for self-love.




Karen Klein is a perfect example of how to STOP the bully in its tracks through the power of love and compassion. Her story actually had a good and positive ending. Even though she was the victim of external bullying, her reaction was to let it go. She didn't bully back -- she let it go. Fighting with the bullies would have only made the situation go from bad to worse, but instead her calmness and her tolerant reaction towards them brought about empathy and compassion from other people. The actions of those bullies were no match for the love that overpowered their indignant behavior. What Karen Klein is doing now with all the outpouring of support she received in order to help raise awareness and stop the practice of bullying everywhere, is a magnificent testament to the power of LOVE.



If there is a bully in your head, tell it goodbye. Let go of the baggage triggering the painful behavior or practice, and when you do, the bully will also be left behind.

On this Note:  No longer create space for the bully in your head to continue the harm. Let it go. Let love take its place. Be kind to yourself, and kindness towards others becomes second nature.

I hope this blog motivates at least one person to find their courage and start moving toward making their dream come true!

Please feel free to leave me a comment below and provide your feedback. I would love to hear from you.